Ouch...that hurts :(

"Please don't shatter the peace and tranquility of life."

This is what I want to remind myself for the rest of my life whenever I get crazy and start believing that there exists a surgical procedure which will last a few hours and recovery period is a day or two max.

A few things I have learnt over the past two weeks:

Feeling tired is not when I come back from office and feel too lazy to move. Feeling tired is that zapped out feeling when you cannot even lift your finger to save your life. Feeling tired is when your whole body feels like a burden to your own self.

Patience is something available in abundance with some people I openly termed "impatient". But for that patience, I would still be a patient.

Unconditional love is not expressed when you proclaim. It is not what you define as "I love you no matter what you do". It is what makes you want to help your loved one in the worst possible situation, which involves stench, sweat, tears, pain and half-conscious and tonnes and tonnes of irritability and accusations.

There are some feelings and some generosities, like the one mentioned above, which cannot be returned. It is not a favor or a tit-for-tat kind of thing. You take a hell lot of time to develop that. Till then sit back and enjoy and count your blessings.

There are very few people who can give you positive thoughts and mean it at the same time. Like a close pal who said "get well and we will go watch a movie" when I was half-conscious, in pain and not sure if I would last the day. Or a child who made lists of "want to do"s with you, when you are up and about. Cherish these people, for there is a dearth of such beings. At the same time, there is an abundance of people who will be all negative and go ga-ga about how stupid you were. I wish to God, anyone in my state would get the strength to show them the middle finger.

Something I never forget, but want to re-iterate, parents are the only people who will stand by you even when you have made an ass of yourself. They are the only ones who will remind you your reasons for making a decision and executing it, when you are cursing yourself for your own foolishness. They are the only ones, who once convinced that something is being done for your betterment, will have their faith no matter what, even when you are convinced it was a wrong decision on your part. Experience says, "they are always right"!!

No surgery ever leaves you well enough to work after a day. All surgeries will cost you your blood and for a weekling like me, it entails a lot of other complications.

First Paycheck

Imagine working hard for years, when you don't get any paychecks. All that keeps you going is your sheer love for the work your are doing, the way you fall in love with the sculpture you are sculpting. You give all of your heart and soul to that one sculpture. You pour your love and tears and talent into that one sculpture, right from when its a crude stone, when there is no shape or contour to the stone....when you have no idea how it will turn out once you are done with it. I bow down to the power of love, the power of belief that your sculpture is going to be beautiful.

When you can unconditionally love your crude stone, even before it becomes a sculpture, how deep is this love. What a miracle..what a magic this love is. I don't believe you will love your sculpture more than your stone....since you have started off with all you have, all the love you can ever summon from inside, what more can you gather?

I am in a phase, now, when I am seeing the rough outline of my "stone". My crude is turning slowly turning into the idol I dreamt of. Its not done yet, not even half way through and I see my dreams materializing. I see my hard work paying off. I know there is a lot more do, lot more times I have to hit the stone with hard, soft strokes and chip a few rough edges, but at this vantage point, it looks awesome. It shows the tidings of all the good things to come.

The sacrifices I made, the sleepless nights, the despair, the bog-me-downs, every bit of it seems worth it. The stone did not ask me to do all this, the only thing that made me do it was the sheer potential of the stone, to be turned into a beautiful sculpture. I was not born with the skills, to be a sculpture, I learnt it. I was not an expert and still am not....but it made me give my best...made me learn, made me responsible, made me want to do it.

I thank the sculptures who made me what I am today and my idol for bringing out the best in me.

Thank God.....I have what I have. Thank God I did not take any wrong turns while getting here.