Time Travel....

I picked up this tag from Joy, from where I seem to pick up all my tags :)

Two questions in each category answer them and then tag your friends from the blog-o-sphere. (Simple enough right) Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged and you are all set.
Yesterday - Your oldest memory - What were you doing 10 years ago?
Today -Your first thought today morning - If you built a time capsule today what would it contain?
Tomorrow - This year ….What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

Ok here are my thoughts:

Yesterday:

My Oldest Memory - is the day I celebrated my, I think, 8th year birthday. At that time, we used to stay quite far away from my school, in a new house. That was my last year in that school, where I had studied from when I began schooling. And so, my parents thought they would get me a cake to cut in my class (it was a privilege in those days, distributing chocolates would be the common thing). I was drooling over not the cake but all the attention I was about to get. I went with my dad and his friend to get the cake. We bought it from a prestoigious bakery and then my dad suggested we keep it an aunt's house near the school so that mom and me wouldn't have to carry it back in the morning. It made sense, nevertheless, a very disturbing idea as I did not trust my aunt's two children: one a year elder to me and another 2 years younger. But what could I say? My heart was beating in my mouth the whole night and the joy of seeing my cake when my aunt came down the steps with that cake is something I will never forget. I kept wondering from where the two 5 star choco bars came from, along with the cake (I was doubly sure my dad hadn't bought them, chocos were a strict no no back then) till I realized many many years later (ok..I am a slow learner) that it was my aunt's gift!!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Oh life was pretty boring back then. I was in my second year of Engineering..so surely, I would be sweltering in the class or slogging in the library or running around to get some stupid notes for some God forbidden subject, which I would never ever use in my professional life.


Today:

Your first thought today morning?
"Man tomorrow is a saturday and its a holiday for my kid...so I can sleep in..." I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a month or so.... :(


If you built a time capsule today what would it contain?
It would contain the bliss of life as it is now. I would surely first add in the moment I held my baby in my arms, I can still feel the elation. How blessed and on top of the world I felt that day.....amazing...

Tomorrow:

This year:
Hmm...well, this year is almost ending isn't it? By the end of the year I would like to set up my home and bring some semblence of normalcy into our lives.

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?
I see myself out of the rat race, doing what I always wanted to do, teach, whatever I can, wherever I can to whomever I can.

Mixed Bag

I am happy, tensed, apprehensive and a lot of things. And why is that? Coz I am going to set up my own home, again, after a really long hiatus of 7 years. The first time was lovely, seemingly uncomplicated and far easier when compared to this time.

First time I set up a home of my own, it was in a different city, with probable visitors ranging from or limited to my parents, in laws and an occasional uncle or an aunt. But this time, its going to be a different ball game. I am setting up my home in the epicenter of our family's activities. This is the time when the prodigal daughter and son, who got married to someone who is not in a "FOREIGN" country, the wife of the blackest sheep of the family, and the husband of the most-uncareer-minded girl (Forgive me..thats such a sad usage), will be judged. Does this bother me? To a little extent I guess. I have not matured enough..not quite..yet.

Anyways, now I get to put my name on the name board. No one ever can dare to ignore my presence or conviniently forget my name now!!!

P.S: I think only my closest family members will understand the significance of the last statement. So be it!

Home...

We had been studying the unit about animals and their homes for a couple of days. In the middle of something, seeing my son fly across the room, I just said, "I love you honey bee", still looking at my lappie.

And shoot comes the answer, without a pause, without a blink "I love you to, my hive".

I had to stop and think about what he had said.....he just smiled the mischievous smile of his and returned to practice gymnastics, which he is obsessed with after Beijing Olympics.

Man, am I not the luckiest one?

A egotistic post.....

I am: a scorpion
I think: of my blessings always
I know: I have a horrible temper
I want: to spend every minute talking to my mom
I have: a very very cute kid
I wish: I am a little more matured
I hate: arguing with my dad
I miss: all the things we did in Mangalore
I fear: my temper
I feel: a warmth whenever I see my mother playing with my kid
I hear: Adi's voice always
I smell: wet mud and hot coffee
I crave: for my mother's BBB
I search: for ways to make my parents happy
I wonder: if I have turned out to be a good daughter
I regret: all those days when I hurt my mom
I love: my family
I ache: for my lost innocence
I am not: very patient
I believe: in Almighty and his power to heal the wounds
I dance: with my son
I sing: daily to my son
I cry : whenever I feel I am a second priority in someone's life who is my first priority
I don’t always : see the positive things in life
I fight : a lot with D :)
I write: always in my mind...I have written about 100 bestsellers so far :)
I win: all my arguments with D ;)
I lose: my temper like there is no tomorrow
I never: miss a chance to spend time with my kid
I always: yearn to be near my son and listen to all his stories
I confuse: D, always......
I listen: to my dad.....
I can usually be found: in front of my lappie or cuddling my son
I am scared: of vermins....yuck
I need: to learn not to speak aloud my thoughts always...
I am happy about: All that God has given me till now...including the pains and tears....

If you ask stupid questions be sure you will get stupid answers...

A dialogue with a supposedly intelligent man:
He: So which school are you putting your son in?
Me: Oh I have a few options, but I think I will put him in XYZ.... (unnecessarily chatty...*kick*)
He: Oh I see, is this XYZ a good school?
Me: Oh no, it is the worst school ever. Did you know they make the kids clean the drain on a daily basis there? My, how I love to have my son do it, bedsides they whip the kids once in a while.

How I wish I had said all that....I just screwed up my face and said "Yes". Another *KICK*

Phantom Limb Pain???

One phrase uttered and so much of pain felt. It originates at the heart, spreads to the soul as a single shooting, sharp arrow. I sit there having a lot fun, laughing my lungs out, when all of a sudden, one phrase catches my attention. My mind tries to drag my heart away, tries to make fun of it too, like everything lese, but.....

"We are beating them at their own game!!!"

Uttered with so much pride, eyes twinkling, a smile peeps out. A smile of achievement. Why did it hit me like a bolt of lightning taking my breath away?

I was a part of them, not so long ago. I am a part of "We" now, solely because I was a part of them then. Can I ever cease to be a part of them? Rather can I ever "ampute" their essence from my life? The essence which made life livable, bearable and gave me a ray of hope in the darkness of night.

Why do these emotions catch me unawares always?

This pain is the sensation from a part of my soul, a part of my being that has been lost.

From which I no longer receive signals. Or do I?

And Life goes on!

End of yet another chapter.
Begining of yet another.
The end leaves a pain as always
The begining causes butterflies in the stomach, as always
Incertitude of the end as well as the begining looms large ahead, which is nothing new
"What if's" and "If only's" play games making the mind askew
Where did those years go? Years of toil, hard work and warm tears shed
Thanks to the supreme force that prepared me for my rough years ahead
And life goes on.....

Carrying a Grudge...

An interesting topic for me from here.

She was feeling so burdened. She was overpowered by a minute speck in the universe. She felt hatred towards a few people because they seemed to be so far away from her own pains and stayed oblivious to the fact their every word were slicing through her heart. She felt nauseated with him when he acted as though what had happened had not even touched him, let alone hurt him. She was overwhelmed and hurt at the same time looking at his "nevermind" attitude. She thought about how everytime someone made a small joke about him she had flared up to support him. It hurt her to think that he did not seem to have noticed how they had bruised her so far and continued to do so. She despaired his lack of action. She kept brooding when he would speak up. She knew the words had hurt him as much as it had hurt her. But still the fact that unlike her he did not cry, unlike her he did not feel belittled, unlike her he did not feel humiliated, made things worse for her. Those were the situations which forced her to carry a grudge. She nurtured her grudge with the same care she would nurture her baby. It was not all her fault though. The same people fed her grudge enough for it grow uninhibitedly. Some day, she thought, I will prove them all wrong and make them feel sorry for what they did and what they said.

One day she did, she had proven all of them wrong. She had taken all of them by surprise. She had shown her strength and that day she looked carefully at her grudge. It had grown by leaps and bounds. She immediately deduced she was driven to perform well by her grudge. She thought she was correct in carrying a grudge against them who had wronged her.

She confronted him then about his lack of action and lack of a grudge. He just smiled and asked her what was that mattered to her the most, now that she had done both - carried a grudge as heavy as a ton of iron and achieved a goal as important as a breath. It was then she realized, the grudge was just not as important as it was a few years ago. The people against whom she harbored the grudge had ceased to be important in their lives. What was important was that she had him and she had his support. She then realized, it was not her grudge that had driven her towards her goal, it was his support. He did, indeed, carry a grudge. By supporting her he had nurtured his grudge. He had carried his grudge all along.........

Tid Bits.....

I read Joy do a tag and found it interesting. I just picked it up even though I am not tagged. Let me see how much I have to think/recall to answer each one of these simple questions. Life has been so dull and full of unnecessary crap that I have started to forget what I am really like......So lets see....

Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Taare Zameen Par; I liked the movie but regretted taking Mom along. One regret that I will carry all my life

What Book Are You Reading:
Five Point Someone, by Chetan Bhagat; The book sucks big time *Yuck*

Favorite Board Game:
Chess; I cherish all those times when I spent hours together plotting against my Jeeju, who has till date not lost a game!

Favorite Magazine:
Frontline and Outlook

Favorite Smells:
Smell of a hot hot Mysore Pak! Lip smacking!!!!

Favorite Sound:
Adi's voice;

Worst Feeling In The World:
Hatred

What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake? :
The moment I wake up I look at my baby sleeping peacefully, with a half-opened mouth and think "When did the time fly?"

Favorite Fast Food Place:
Quite a few actually...ranging from Dosa camps to Bhel houses

Future Child's Name:
Aditi....if at all she is born

Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...”:
Buy D a lot of CD clothes and build us a private swimming pool

Do You Drive Fast? :
Well....I did, 5 years back...but no, not anymore.

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?:
I sleep with my little-5 year old-animal-who-is-stuffed-with-warmth-and-love

Storms-Cool Or Scary? :
Literal ones - cool; Metaphorical - scary; been through enough storms already

What Was Your First Car?:
Was? None :( ; Will be: A Honda/A Chevrolet :)

Favourite drink:
A cup of Cappuccino....yummy...

Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Time I Would .....” :
Spend every minute with Adi....

Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?:
Broccoli is edible? *Surprised look* When did they declare it edible???

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice? :
Peppy pink...yoooohoooo

Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In
Bangalore and Mangalore

Favorite Sports To Watch:
Swimming and Volley Ball

One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You:
"Not Applicable" -- As they say in application forms

What's Under Your Bed?:
Dust would be my guess....Coz if I bend down to look I will sneeze till my heart rips open...

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Well....sure.....but my parents deserve better....

Morning Person Or Night Owl?:
While studying - a night owl; while working - a morning person

Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?:
Neither

Favorite Place To Relax:
Yet to come across such a place

Favorite Pie:
Apple pie...with a dollop of ice cream.....

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Depends...strawberry usually...

Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who's Most Likely To Respond First?
Me not taggin anyone....

Ok...man was this Fun!!! Thanks Joy..it was really joyful doing this!

Crossroads

"Giving up something doesn't mean that you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let it go"

Why do I stand at crossroads every march-April-may time of the year?

The question should I or shouldn't I arises every year, exactly at the same period.

Now if anyone still reads my blog, help me figure this one out please:

What should be my choice?

1. A good work culture, an OK types of pay, a work environment stinking of politics, a good scope for growth ; A known Devil basically

OR

2. An unknown work culture, a good pay, an unknown work environment, considerable scope for growth; An unknown Angel

"A known devil is better than an unknown angel" is all easier said than done.

Why do we do this?

Eons ago I was in a place I so detested. Being in that place made me despise the place even more. I kept wondering what makes us do this. What makes people so happy even when they are so humiliated? What makes people say prayers and get all anxious to get the permission to enter some god-forbidden (?) land to be treated like slaves? Right from the way they check your whole body for "possible-hidden-weapons" to the way they make you stand in long queues to the way they ask you to leave the premises once the business is done is all so humiliating.

I saw an old couple appear in front of a one-of-them and fold both palms together and say "namaste". The one-of-them asked them so many questions to, supposedly, ascertain their good intentions and said "Do stay in my country for Christmas. But make sure you don't stay beyond that!". The dialogue ended with a huge belly laugh, of course from the one-of-them. The couple was so overcome by his words that they were speechless. I was shocked to see the expression on the old couple's face. Instead of scorn or even hurt or at least a straight face, it was filled with gratitude! Gratitude? Why? Is that one-of-them doing them a favor? Isn't it the least he can do to enable an aged couple visit their child working like a slave for them, who probably doesn't even have time to come back to his country to see his parents?

Why did I do it myself? I still wonder. I can safely say, because my employers wanted me to. But the reaction of all my relatives was so overwhelming. For a split of a second I felt as though I had unknowingly won an Olympic race when I know I can't even run for my life. It was like "Oh!! Finally!! She has arrived. She is a bit slow on the uptake though. See my kids, they are two years younger to her and already left the country 4 years ago. Anyway, better late than never." Suddenly, "Yene visa banthante? Yavag horadthee?" "Hearty Congratulations!!" were shot at me with wonder in eyes. The unbelieving, we-have-lost-hope-in-you-to-be-a-khandaan-ki-roshni, looks were replaced with joyous smiles. It made me feel as though I was about to commit a huge crime and at the nth moment decided not to, keeping in mind the "family values". A kind of "just miss" :)

When I was growing up, the definition of a successful child in the family would be: has a good job, with a good salary, taking good care of parents, teaching his/her kids good values and taking his/her parents to kaashi and rameswaram. And now it has changed to: Touring the world every 10 days, on company's expense (mind you) and/or staying in a godforsaken land and sending "papers" to his/her parents with ticket money so that parents can "visit" them. It so happens that these "visits" always coincides with the birth of their offspring or transfer of their spouse or some illness. As we say in kannada "Idella Yaava Purushartakko?"

There were only two people who were unmoved (rather displeased with the whole business) by the results of my "holy pilgrimage". One was unhappy because he could have gone to the beach and soaked wet for the whole time that I spent inside a god-forsaken, paraniodly-secure building. Another, because, well, she thinks just like me, rather I think just like her!

Low levels of Seratonin

Really low levels.

Hope the supplements work.

Pray that it works.

Will be back when seratonin level bounces back to normalcy.