Blessings....

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

This is so true. During my years of pain and suffering, I often thought about how he had deserted me during my hour of need. I despaired that I prayed to such a God who would just leave me in the middle of nowhere. I nevertheless prayed. In a corner of my heart, a tiny light used to glow which reminded me of my promise to him years ago, when I first started understanding his blessings. "I will pray unto thee" whatever happens, where ever I am, whatever I am. So pray I did.

Now, after the storm, after being uprooted more than once, these words make a lot of sense to me. I shudder to think of all the things that could have horribly gone bad, if he had not "carried" me, so to say. Carry he did. He made sure I came out of the stormy period with minimum of bruises and a cart load of lessons learnt for life. Lessons which would form my life in future.

Thank you lord. Thank you for making me what I am today. Thank you for giving me the strength to survive the storm. Thank you for helping to put my head up today and say "Yes, people I have arrived"

I again promise you, "I will pray unto thee whatever happens"

My Mother....

When pain and sickness made me cry,
Who gaz'd upon my heavy eye,
And wept, for fear that I should die?
My Mother.

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My Mother.

And can I ever cease to be
Affectionate and kind to thee,
Who wast so very kind to me,
My Mother.

Ah! no, the thought I cannot bear;
And if God please my life to spare,
I hope I shall reward thy care,
My Mother.

When thou art feeble, old, and gray,
My healthy arm shall be thy stay,
And I will soothe thy pains away,
My Mother.

And when I see thee hang thy head,
'Twill be my turn to watch thy bed,
And tears of sweet affection shed,
My Mother.

For God, who lives above the skies,
Would look with vengeance in His eyes,
If I should ever dare despise,
My Mother.

One of the best poems I have ever read. The lines of this poem keep floating to the top of my train of thoughts quite often these days.

We make so many demands as babies, as toddlers, as teenagers and as adults. She is always a taken-for-granted source of help. She meets all our demands, gives all that we want and keeps ready all that we may want. She puts our needs before hers. Her whole life aligns itself with our needs, our demands and our lives. She fights our battles for us or when she can't do that, she will be our pillar of strength enabling us to fight as well as win our battles.

Finally, when the time comes for us hold her hand when she fights her last battle, just hold her hand, not fight her battle for her, why do people fail her? Why do people think about leaving her in a hospital to be cared for while they go on a jolly trip? I am forced to think what would have happened to the kid had he/she been left in a hospital (or on roads for that matter) so that the mother could go on a jolly trip. Believe me, she would have deserved a break like that. But then she never does that, she would consider such a thought a sacrilege!

What race do we belong to? Where are we heading?

5 Years....

Well, it is that time of the year again, when I stop to think, to look back, try desperately to hold on to so many beautiful memories the past 5 years have given me. I try not to forget even a single bit of it. I try to collect the memories, the bits of happiness and the moments of joys and hold them close to my heart. Some memories, though, send a shiver down my spine......even today.

Five years ago, I got a bundle of joy wrapped in a blue blanket which stared at me with those bright brown eyes....which held my little finger so tightly and purred at me as though saying "Finally, I get to see you! Hi Maaa!! How are you doing?" I feel as though it was just a week or two ago that I saw your first smile, just a day or two ago, that I saw you take your first steps towards me and looking totally shocked at what you had done. I had to hug you and console you and make you understand, it was the first time you had "walked" on your own, that there was nothing wrong with it.

I still remember the first time you called me "ma". It always used to be "tha", to address anything that moved. But all of a sudden, I heard "Ma", I turned, ran towards you and begged you to repeat it and you wouldn't, you just smiled that angelic smile of yours. Devil. Had to wait with my heart aching for another two hours before you would again say "Maaaa", so softly as though only angels could hear you. I heard you though. Then, out of the blues, a few days later came "ththaththa".

I still remember your first day at school. Looking at all the other kids crying, you were like "Come on guys grow up. This is school for heaven's sake. You cannot have mom and dad around here". I remember seeing you go to a few of your less-brave classmates and saying "Don't cry baby", as though you were a 60 year old. But being my dear brave boy that you are, you started crying a week later when all the other kids had stopped. :)

Looking at you yesterday, I wonder if you are really five years old. Those 2 weeks in the hospital in your first year were the most painful I have ever had to endure. I was scared for your life. It was as though everything had come to an end abruptly. I still shiver when I remember your cries when they poked you all over your body. I still remember the "How can you let them do this to me?" look on your face. I still feel your desperation when you clung on to me for the next 2 weeks all 24 hours without a break. I still remember the friendly baby turned into a hostile patient, screaming at any white coat that approached. I still remember the countless dialogues with God and all the "thank yous" to Him and the relief when they finally let me take you back home. All this was so many years ago?

You are so grown up now, so big, so affectionate. You will start running your rat race very soon darling. Like us, your parents, you have a tough life ahead. You have to grow up to be a person exactly like your father. You have a big challenge there my dearest. I am sure you will. I just hope you will enjoy whatever you do. Whatever you do, whatever you become, be a good human being, just like your father. You are the cynosure of my eyes.....the "light" of my life.....

Vox Populi....

I was in the good books of some people till last week. And this week, lo and behold, I am in their hit list.

Not that I care though. But just thought I will pen down the exact thoughts that are passing through my mind. Funny....it is. Really.

Till last week, Doctors were good (and at times GOD), had a bright future and statements like "Just watch, he will make more money than you a few years down the line" and "Oh! Medicine?....its the safest profession" were being thrown at me.

Today, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, I get to hear the dialogues that boil down (well...broadly) to "You are damned" "You are never going to make money like me because your spouse is a doctor and mine is not" (The said spouse doesn't do anything except sit on fat a&& at home all day long...but anyway)

Yo People, what the hell?

If I don't make money be rest assured I will not ask you for alms. If I do (oh yes, I know you would say its not possible.........just shut up!!!!) I solemnly swear I will not give you a penny either.

Go burn in an inferno.....

PS: My current mantra "Yes Boss" (Hope you get the drift....)

A Lament....

All of a sudden, as I was reading through a "Motivational thought" I remembered the words someone very special had scribbled in my autograph book. It happened years ago..but still, the words kind of echo in my ear, in my soul. That very special person will live somewhere in my thoughts...always.

"Always remember all the time that you have a goal to achieve and to achieve it one should have patience, perseverance and enthusiasm"

Yes, I have always remembered that I have a goal to achieve and I have shown enough patience, perseverance and enthusiasm to achieve it.

If only I could share the joys of achieving the goal with you....If only I could tell you that in spite of so many difficulties I did, finally, achieve my goal...If only I could tell you your words were like a lifeline...If only I could tell you your words meant a lot to me....

Miss you....

Conversation........

Phone rings.....

Me: Yeah

D: Busy?

Me: Not really...

D: Listen, there is a new Italian Restaurant in town

Me: *Grins* Where? Where?

D: *reads out some excerpts about asparagus and fondue**

Me: Ooooooooooooh *Droooooooooool* .....so when are we going?

D: Oh that? An average meal for two costs &*^% so....

Me: So? *Raises an eyebrow*

D: Never........

Me: "Why then did u call me Buster?"

D: ***Evil Grin and high pitched laugh***

Lazy day...stupid post.....Wish I could be at home....

Anger....

Yesterday, I was skimming through a magazine and read an article on how to control your anger. The author rightly said, anger is like fire, it burns the source faster than the target. The author went on to say that you should forgive the person who has hurt you and maybe write a forgiveness letter. If you are not up to posting it, just burn it. Once done, you will see your anger melt away.

I wonder if it is that simple?

I have always had those internal conversations about my anger. I always end up telling myself, I am not an angel to forgive and forget. I am, but a human being who has been hit where it hurts the most. I believe if you cannot forget the wrong doing you can never never forgive the person who wronged.

I can never forget the tears that used to well up in my eyes during the days which were supposed to be the happiest in my whole life. I was so full of happiness having got what I wanted the most. All the happiness was washed away in the tears that I shed. I still wonder what I had done to prompt people to do what they did. Everything came as a rude shock and killed my self-confidence and my self-respect, the two things I valued most in all my life. How can I ever forgive them? How can I ever forget those days, when I cried unendingly for no fault of mine? How can I ever forget the fact that it took me years to rebuild what I had lost? More so, a part of it which is gone for ever?

In hindsight, everything worked out as I had planned. There was no reason for them to hurt me the way they did. I was blessed with all that I yearned for. Except for those days, hours and minutes that I cried and did not smile at my happiness, I haven't lost much. Anger of course has burnt me from inside, but as far as I am concerned, it has only burnt the immense respect I had for them. On a positive note, I did gain a lot. I discovered the immense potential I had hitherto unknown to me. Now. I know, I can come out of any number of rough periods unscathed.

Madame Dorothée Deluzy "It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend"

Poem....

This is dedicated to my "eyes", without whom I am blind...
This is for the two strings that tug at my heart......
This is for the two people because of whom I feel alive, loved and wanted....
This is for them who make my life worth living......

Each New Day .......

At the beginning of each new day
you walk into my mind.

You're the first thing I think of ,as
I rise to start my day.

Morning thoughts of you
bring a soft smile to my
face, with joy and happiness to
stay within my heart throughout my day.

It's you that gives me a sense of belonging
and the feeling of being loved and wanted ,as
my heart overflows with my love for you.

I hold each thought of you close to my heart
and every dream we share
is captured in my very soul.

Your love brings
fulfillment and contentment to me.

I start each day whispering to you.

Wherever you may go today, my love
whatever you may do
if you stop and think of me know that
I'm thinking of you too because,
I love you so.

The best list of goof-ups....

Now, this is hillarious.

I am still laughing........

Life....

Life

Is

A

Bitch

And

A

Major Dissappointment.....


Well, not always but most of the times


:-(

Wish List.....

My wish list....

1. A small vacation to anywhere
2. A little peace and quite
3. A nice book to read
4. A huge glass of cold watermelon juice on the side
5. Uninterupted 10 hrs sleep
6. Lots of playtime with my kiddo

Is it a lot to ask for? I don't think so...after slogging for seven full years I deserve this much at least...

I think all I actually need is a show down with a few people.

Then I can get on with my life.....the way I want to......

7 years ago.....

I read a blog today about guys at the fag end of their college days. A lot of emotions expressed in a lot of beautiful words.

That got me thinking about my own last few college days. I wondered what it felt like 7 years ago. What it felt like to know life will never be the same again.....I hardly remember a thing. I can hardly recollect a single one of those days. I can hardly remember that last day when I saw my pals of four years in the college that one last time. I am sure I would have wanted to hug my closest friends....shed a tear or two....I am sure of that.....but I hardly remember anything that went on....it is as though everything has been wiped out of the memory.....

Now, I wonder why? Why was it that I chose to (or just plain) forget everything?

Was it:

• a kind of numbness?
• a kind of forced acceptance....
• a rude shock?
• the hope that things would be better now...
• the bold facade posing to the new life ahead of me?
• the anticipation of sweeter things to come?
• the maturity as I was stepping into another phase of my life too?
• the scary feeling of having to enter two phases of life at once?
• because of the rant and rave going on within?
• because I had met the man of my life?
• or just plain confusion?

I will never know.....for it has been 7 long years....so much has happened within the short period of 7 years..its hard to remember anything at all....

I also wonder, if I never wanted to remember anything at all..........was my memory loss intentional?

The daughter I will never have.....

Once I start, I cannot resist :-)

Ain't he (or she?) cute....

Can anyone believe its a boy and not a girl :-)

My Baby....

Look at my baby....

My bundle of joy.....

The light of my life.....

My Son....

My SUN....

People....

Why do people lie?

Why do people back-bite?

Enlighten me people......

Moving.........

End of a chapter...

Start of another....

Transition is painful....

The unbeleiving looks...

Looks of disappointment...

The taunts...

The anger......

The I-don't-recognize-you look.......

The how-can-anyone-be-so-stupid look..........

Life moves on.........for good or for the worst.....and so I move on...........for better or the worse.....

Happy!!! Yippppey!

When you are sad..you are blue...

When you are envious.....you are green.... (Yeah Green ;-))

When you are angry....you are red....

Will someone tell me what colour you are when you are happy?

Truly happy....for someone very special....for their very special time in life.....

How can I express my own happiness? With a big hug? Here you go.......

Every piece of the puzzle called life falls into place.......in time......

God, Congratulations my dearest!!!!